the visit

A text message. "Where are you? Let's find a place to have some beer."

Liz went to see Selene at home. No one was in the living room. She changed and unpacked a few of her clothes.

Selene was in the comfort room. Liz knocked. Selene opened the door. She was smoking. Just finished crying or was tired of crying.

"What did he say to you again?" asked Liz sitting on the toilet bowl.

Selene was quiet. She puffed her cigarette for the last time and left the room. Liz followed and entered her room instead. Worry evident in her eyes.

After a couple of minutes she went inside Selene's bedroom.

"Let's go."

They were in town now. First stop, the Cathedral. First time Liz accompanied Selene to such place. Liz sat a row or two behind Selene.

Liz just conversed with God in a natural manner. Like talking to a friend who just listens. Like voicing out sentiments to someone who doesn't need to answer but is there with you. Thinking, maybe we answer our own prayers and the church is just a venue, a conducive venue to think or feel our problems. Maybe.

Selene signalled Liz. They leave. Walk. They seat themselves along the promenade. Talk.

"God damn you." That's what Dave said.

Liz just shrugged. Typical of Dave to be self-righteous.

"He'll blame me of everything wrong happening to our lives and blame you for not apprehending me. Let him be. I don't care what he thinks of me anymore anyway." said Liz.

People come and go. Sit and stand. Together. Alone. In groups. God sees them. Talking. Laughing. In silence. In anger, etcetera.

Liz and Selene were in between everything among everything.

temporary company

Liz was waiting for his text at Otyztyk, Lester's shop. JJ said he was leaving the gym in 20 minutes. so Liz waited. He finally came down the stairs and she said her goodbyes to Lester and met JJ halfway.

Liz said there was no vacant table yet so she had to wait downstairs.

They eventually got a table near the second floor entrance, on the elevated area. As usual JJ ordered his staple of eggs and garlic bread. this time there were three pieces of bread. he offered Liz a bite, she said no. saying she ate at home. Liz just had a glass of Organic Lemon Tea. then they ordered a bottle each of San Mig Light.

"so who were at the gym?" Liz inquired. "Just Allan and the guys. we were having a couple of drinks. i want to go back though." "so go," Liz said, but feeling a sting in her heart like she didn't want him to. but she was all smiles, Liz always smiled.

"Food for thought," JJ said, "what if the time comes when I have a girlfriend?" "then have a girlfriend," Liz said. "There's nothing i can do about it." And she smiles, looking down at the table top, feeling a spear sear through her heart.

"just a food for thought. i mean we can still have coffee and go out." JJ said. "I know, but it won't be the same anymore. i won't be the same anymore. it's different when you're with someone already," Liz told JJ.

"Why, is there someone already?" Liz, still smiling. "No one yet. hey, tell me when you have a boyfriend already as well." JJ defensively uttered.

"yeah". Liz, drinking.

"So are you doing anything tonight Liz?" "i'm waiting for my groupmate's text. we're going to edit tonight." "so what time are you going?" "i don't know yet, Fran hasn't texted yet." lying. Fran actually texted earlier asking where she was and she never replied thinking he didn't text anymore so it might have been cancelled.

"how about you? you going back to see the guys?" "I don't know, Gen invited me to her friend's birthday. so i guess if you leave i can share your cab."

"hmm, okay. but there's no text yet."

"but it's not Gen's birthday anyway so i'm not really sure." JJ said.

JJ went to the restroom more than once and Liz just looked around the tables and was secretly hurting, wondering why they can't move forward into a relationship. when it was her turn to go, she talked to herself in the mirror. telling herself not to fall in love.

"So don't go, let's just go home." JJ suggested. deep inside Liz really wanted to spend the night with him. not for sex but for the happiness his company brings to her.

Liz foots the bill and they leave Volante. JJ always ahead of her avoiding a situation where people he knows or Liz knows would say there's something going on between them. deciding earlier to rent a movie, Video One was closed so they took a cab instead to JJ's place.

nights like those were heaven for Liz. a temporary heaven. a fantasy that she knows will disappear one day soon. maybe tonight, is another night like before that she can endure the confusion of the situation.

aware of the attraction between them, knowing that it is just as simple as that - an attraction and it shall never be more than that.

in the arms of JJ, she stays for the night hoping that tomorrow it'll be better.

getting the feel of it

i finally reached Volante after the show. there they were, Daddy and Ate Venus. they had a few bottles of San Mig Light and Miller beer by now. Ate Ven's younger brother was there but he left a few minutes after i arrived.

so, daddy was asking about the latest news concerning the gym and stuff and me. well, i was okay now. i am happy. ate Ven finally asked me if i am okay. okay, meaning how am i after the break-up with Dike. i am happy. then she couldn't help it and asked me what happened, why broke up. well, i told her the short truth. that he asked? us to cool-off because he was tired of our relationship and then he suddenly was starting an understanding with this girl and i broke up with him through a letter.

Ate Ven was kind of confused because she said that Dike said i was the one who initiated the break-up due to being tired of us. but then, of course i know she believes me more than she believes Dike. come on, appearance wise, i look more trustworthy.

so i had a bottle of beer and i related nothing much happened in the gym nowadays because the boys rarely go now, even Anne and I. aside from the night at Ayuyang last February 13 and my birthday, nothing significant happened.

so how's my love life? dating, dating. although daddy had an idea of whom i was with, i didn't confirm nor deny anything about Joe. i said it, the words daddy wanted to hear. "No love, just enjoy!" "that's my girl! welcome to the association," he said and we laughed.

deep inside i was reciting my mantra for Joe. "Don't fall in love, He's Not worth it. He doesn't deserve you."

i had to leave in a couple of minutes inspite of the invite for a night at the karaoke bar. i need to buy food for my "regular". ate Ven was cool with it, he might be waiting she said.

besides, i wanted to leave daddy and ate Ven alone for further development so to speak.

i spotted my instructors getting seated at the non-smoking area, window side. gotta leave without being spotted.

Daddy and Ate Ven teased me that they'd drop me off where i was going. i joked back saying they'd be able to know who it if they knew where he lived. i knew daddy knew it was Joe. but i didn't say anything!

so i give them a peck on the cheek each and get on my way. crossed the street. bought hotdogs at 711 and took a cab to Joe's place.

after several rings, his brother finally opened the door and Joe was behind him. cheez! he was expecting his Volante special, but i didn't bring any.

so the night continued with laughs and teasing and kissing and loving and cooking and eating noodle soup and a hotdog and sleeping. once again i was dreaming a dream dream dream in his presence.

coffee shop philosophizing

coffee shop philosophizing. cool term i adopted from lucy liu as i browsed in style magazine.

i could relate to it, it's a hip line. so i shared it to my friends and it stuck. this is my line. my life.

i'm a coffee shop philosopher.

this blog on the other hand, contains a sex and the city concept baguio city style. session road style. my style.

a blog entirely alloted for love love and love. love makes the world go round anyway.

based on the lives of people revolving around me and my life as i revolve around theirs.

names will be changed though, pretending that everything is fiction in this factual world.